Have a happy Period? Are u F***** Kidding me?

In rants, Reblog on February 20, 2011 at 10:49 am

Logo for Procter & Gamble. Source of the logo.

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Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ‘the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always. . .

Wendi Aarons

Austin , T X

P.S. This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’ choice for best webmail-award-winning letter

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Thanks for Sharing it-Monsterappetite

  1. The woman has got a point and the way she has balanced the contents of the letter – starting with the utilities of a tamp-on and then taking the Brand Manager head on is truly commendable, great find Rajiv.

    Keep blogging such “interesting exchange of ideas” buddy.

    • Ohh ho ho ho…. Look who is here 🙂 … You made my day dada… a comment from you means a lot…
      Exactly, what you said. this letter is balanced in approach, but must be a damn hit on the Brand manager.
      Thanks for coming by dada. 🙂

  2. oooh i likey. this lady is spot on with her comments…and this letter is a wonderful illustration of what can happen when you try to market a product you dont know shit about simply b/c u never used it yrself.

  3. I learned a long long time ago NEVER to comment on the menstrual cycle.

    • Would you like to share your learning Al ? if you don’t, just don’t reply to this comment. 🙂

      • I was once boss of big team of junior managers and one lady seemed to me to be off sick on a regular basis (but maybe it wasn’t as bad as that but it just seemed that way). One day my secretary told me that she’d rung in sick again and I just made some comment “What AGAIN ? What’s wrong now ?” My secretary glared at me and said “Can’t a woman be sick once in a while without having to explain !! ” It didn’t need explaining – and I never asked again. It put me in my place.

  4. sorry friends,
    Been away long time. I’m here finally.
    @SMM why you don’t want to comment? Let us know the story behind it 😉

  5. BTW, don’t get me wrong – I think the letter is hilarious 🙂

  6. We absolutely love your blog and find the majority of your post’s to be what precisely I’m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or elaborating on a number of the subjects you write concerning here. Again, awesome weblog!

  7. Echoes my thoughts…thanks for posting it, Rajiv. Hats off to you for posting such a post.

    • 😛 I’m confused Alka…what should I say. I just stumbled upon it and indeed it was nice . thought I should share.
      Thanks for coming by. 🙂

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